Trial Run

This past week I got to do a trial run of what it was going to be like leaving Syler for more than just a couple of hours. Miguel and I had a wedding to attend in Syracuse NY, and I was in the wedding. My brother and his wife were kind enough to babysit Syler while we were gone. Because the wedding was in Syracuse and me being in the wedding, we were going to be gone for a couple of days. So, we dropped Syler off Wednesday morning. I must say that when walking out of their house to leave I was holding back tears: a lot of tears. I had to do that for a little while. But, once we were well into our 3 ½ hour drive I was doing okay. During the 3 days, I didn’t want to cry, but I was thinking about Syler all the time and I checked in with my brother and his wife at least 2x/day. There was one time that I did want to cry and that was during the wedding rehearsal at the church when a friend asked me how I was doing (in reference to not being with Sy). But, I was in a church and that would have been a tad inappropriate. So, I wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought I would be, and I thought I would be pretty tearful knowing that I wasn’t going to be able to see Syler for 2 ½ days. I am thinking that going back to work on Monday will not be as hard as I expected knowing that I will be seeing Sy in 6 hours. But this is me we are talking about, Mrs. Emotionality, so we will just have to see.

7 days & counting......

Well, I have 7 days left until I go back to work. Boo! Am I looking forward to going back to work you ask. Honestly, no, not really. I am nervous about starting at 2 new schools half way through the year, having to learn the ropes of the schools and work styles/ethics of my co-workers. I don’t know what kind of mess my cases will be left in, if any mess at all (I hope there are no messes!!!!) I'm also not looking forward to starting/figuring out a new schedule/routine for home now that I am at work. This I think is going to be difficult.

Would I rather be a stay-at-home mom you ask? The answer to that question is YES!!!! I have really enjoyed the 5 months I have had with Syler and I would love to spend the next 3-5 years (until he goes to school) at home with him. I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but like many other families out there, financially we cannot afford for me to stay home.

Do I feel guilty about going back to work? Yes, I do feel guilty. But, I need to keep reminding myself that Syler will be in good hands, and that Miguel and Maria, Miguel’s godmother, will take good care of him. I know its going to be REALLY hard to walk out the front door on Monday, but I will have to stay strong (I will only try to cry on my way to work and not throughout the whole day), and knowing that Syler will be waiting for me with a BIG smile on his face for when I come home will make it a little easier to get through the day. Maybe by the time we have a second child I will be able to stay home… Fingers crossed.